Hello God, Divine Being #337512728 here. I heard you wanted to see me? What? It’s my time? I get to go shooting to earth trailing clouds of glory and begin manning my earthsuit?! Awesome! I am ready. What earthsuit am I going to get?
Leigh? In Kansas? Leigh, is that a boy or a girl? A girl, ok. But, Kansas? Oh, she doesn’t stay long.
Where is she, I am ready to see her!
Oh, there she is! She’s darling! She’s so cute! Her mother’s not touching her. She is completely neglecting her. Oh my, her dad is spanking her little 7 year old tush too hard. He’s taking his rage out on her. Look at her, she feels so alone.
Ok. Let me think for a minute…her earth school curriculum is going to be… Unworthiness? Am I right? Yes! (celebration) I knew I would get in on the first try.
God, I don’t mean to judge your work, but why do so many people get that curriculum? Couldn’t you think of something more original? I don’t get it; it’s like every time….
Okay, okay, I’ll focus.
There she is in 3rd grade. She is fist fighting with Greg Hyde and David Bishop. God, do something! (pause) Oh, she beat them both up. Is this the ‘all of life is a learning lesson’ theory? Got it.
She’s in 4th grade and she just became Miss Jr. Overland Park at her local mall. She is taking risks and being rewarded. Good for her!
She’s in 6th grade. She became the first girl president of John Deimer Elementary School! She’s learning to over come her obstacles.
Jr. High; cheerleading, drill team, and volleyball. High School cheerleading, drill team, she’s a good dancer. She is really using the creative talents you have given her, God. Look at her go.
She’s at the end of senior year and she loses her virginity at 18 to Bruce Oothout. That’s because she thought that was the guy she was going to marry. Glad that didn’t work out huh, God?
College…oh my. Girls gone wild! Drinking, sex, drugs and eating too much pizza. She is running too fast. Doesn’t she know she is better than that? Oh wait… she is living her earth school curriculum of being unworthy. In that case, she is doing a really great job. But, please tell me she figures it out soon. That’s hard to watch.
She graduated with a degree in Recreation and Leisure. That gave her surgeon father a hearty belly laugh. And she’s off; St. Thomas Virgin Islands, Guam, and she became a SCUBA diving instructor for Club Med, Tahiti? God, I’m going to have a blast!
She’s settling down in Los Angeles – wouldn’t you know she ended up in the city of angels. She is still partying hard and making out.
Look God, she is now 31, sick of being single, and is coming to you for help. She is being so specific with her prayer. Boy did you answer… David Koechner! You must really like this girl to give her Dave, he is one of the brightest souls around. She is starting to heal in the safe space that they have created. She is doing her work, going to therapy, breaking the childhood armor around her heart.
Oh man, she almost died having her first kid and lost her uterus. She wanted a big family. She is so sad. But, I bet it turned out great didn’t it God? Oh really? Better than she every imagined? 4 more kids with the help of two gestational surrogates? That is not at all how she planned having a family, but life rarely goes as they plan, does it God?
Wait, I’m going to be a mom to 5 kids? Holy Cow. Thank You that she is healing, so she doesn’t continue the cycle that her mother gave her.
She is a bit disconnected from her kids, but sees it and is working on it. She is taking responsibility for her actions. She is starting an authentic dialogue with her husband and children.
Look at Leigh’s blog. She is sharing what she has learned and helping others. Good for her! That’s what we are called to do. People are really connecting with her honesty. God, she is using the unworthiness and feeling alone from her childhood to let others know “you are not alone” as adults. This is beautiful. This is what you want! She is reframing her issues as blessings!
No way! She enrolled at USM- your spirit school?
Look at her soar. Leigh is writing her books, enjoying her speaking engagements, and hosting the joy filled show she always knew she would have. Her light is bubbling out of her and sparkling glitter on the paths of others. Her husband’s variety show is number one in the nation.
What God? It’s time to go? Wait, what else happens?!? I’ll be back in 88 years? You’re right, that really is just a snap of your finger.
You are about to tell me the part that everyone said would freak me out? What is it?
When I get down there I won’t remember anything, not even this conversation? This is an outrage, God! How can you leave me? Oh right, you’ll be with me all along. I just wish it didn’t take me 30 some odd years to remember that.
Okay. Okay. I’m going. (3 deep breaths)
Here I go. Don’t push me! 1 2 3
Jump and yell, “I am trailing clouds of glory!!!!!!!”
(contract. hold. slowly stand up, open eyes, blink slowly for a bit while looking around, and then cry like a newborn.)
And so it begins…