relationship work

All of this marriage and cheating heartache that is swirling around struck home with me while I listened to my sweet friend’s woes of how her marriage was falling apart.

My heart broke for her because I knew she loved her husband. As I tried to think of the exact thing she needed to hear at that moment, my good friend Oprah popped into my mind.

I had just been listening to her XM channel. I turn it on when I am in my office minivan — van without children. I drive a minivan and I am proud of it! (Not really, but when I cried to my husband that I should be in a Range Rover instead of a gosh-darn minivan when we went from two to four kids because “I bleach my hair,exercise five times a week, and care about my earthsuit. What the hell will I do in a minivan?”)

He said, “Drive.”

He reminded me how I had been so excited to have kids and now I have them. “When you drive a minivan you are saying, I did it. I am doing it. Look at that car as a badge of honor.”

After his pep talk I did down dog, swallowed a glass of wine, then headed out to my minivan. I took out all of the dirty wet wipes, granola wrappers, and random toy pieces that I had never seen before. I wiped down the console and hung a string of fake pearls from the rearview mirror. Oh yeah, and put my favorite shade of Viva Glam lipstick in the side door.

When I push the XM channel on, I know the universe is going to give me the exact message that I need to hear at that moment; sometimes it does.  I remembered I had heard Oprah talking about some relationship therapist in New York. “If you spent a day with him, not only would it change your marriage; it would change your life.”

As I spoke to my friend on the phone, I told her about Oprah’s magic marriage man and we looked it up online together. When I found it, I noticed that they were doing seminars in the Los Angeles area. As I read more about it, I thought, I want to do this with my husband. We have been married for 11 years, I love him, and want to be with him ’til the end. It is easy to be lax in love. It is easy to get tired or be stale. It is hard to be a great wife, friend, lover, writer, dreamer, entrepreneur, exerciser, wine taster, sister, volunteer, and mother — especially mother. But above all of that, I want to stay connected to my husband. I want to love him like no one loves him in the world. I don’t want to be complacent. I don’t want to be bored or boring. I want to love his heart, appreciate him, and listen. Boy is it hard, and boy do I need help!

As I read online with my friend, I signed up. I don’t just want to be married, I want to be happy and fulfilled.

We are going to the retreat this weekend! My birthday weekend in Ojai.  I was a bit shocked when I went to book our massages and romantic dinners, I found out it is an intensive  7-7 every day workshop.  I thought we would stretch, give each other butterfly kisses and call it a day.  Although I am curious what is coming, I can’t wait to do the work. I am grateful for Oprah’s XM channel, for my friend who is struggling, and I am grateful for my minivan to help me put all of the pieces together.

New closer relationship, here I come or here we come!

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